As my earlier post on this subject is one of the most widely read in the history of this blog, and as there is a lot more to say on this subject, I thought a few more pointers on how to work effectively with your attorney in your divorce or custody matter might be in order:
1. Be HONEST with the attorney. Surprises are bad. Very bad. I remember one custody case in which the father of the child showed up at the custody trial with his nose the size of Montana and the color of Barney the Dinosaur. It turned out that, four days before the trial, my client (the mother) had slugged Dad WHILE HE WAS HOLDING THEIR BABY, knocking him flat on his back. Luckily, an aunt caught the baby while dad was going down. My client had not bothered to tell me this in advance. In fact, I learned of the event only during the father's testimony on direct examination from her attorney. The look of horror on the judge's face on hearing about these events was priceless (even as it made my heart sink). Needless to say, my client had her head handed to her. Had I known of this event in advance, I would at least have been prepared for it and might have moved for a continuance or done something else to lessen the impact. As it was, I was caught with my guard completely down and could do nothing except try to keep my face from conveying to the judge the surprise and shock I felt. You can tell your attorney anything that relates to your case: it will remain a secret that the attorney will take to the grave, and the attorney will not judge/condemn/or work less hard for you because you have told the truth. Those are the obligations of our profession. It is far better to endure the embarrassment of telling damaging facts to your attorney in the privacy of the office than to have them come out as a surprise in an open courtroom.
2. Remember that "no contact" means "no contact." If there is a protective order or injunctive decree that tells you to have "no contact" with the opposing party in the case, the court means what it says. No letters. No emails. No phone calls. No St. Crispin's day cards. Nothing. I just had a client arrested and booked for sending his soon to be ex spouse a non-threatening letter about some basic family business. He had to plead guilty to a misdemeanor, surrender his firearm, and pay a fairly hefty fine. Now he has a criminal record. If you have doubts about whether you can send a particular communication, ask your attorney. These issues can also work against you in your case, particularly if it is a custody matter. When the judge determines which parent the child will live with, part of that decision hinges on which parent the judge believes will do the best job of FOLLOWING THE COURT'S ORDERS. If you get convicted for violating a court's no contact order, it should be no surprise to learn that this fact will work against you.
3. Understand that litigation takes a long time. If your case is going to court, don't expect it all to be wrapped up in a month, or two, or even six or seven. It is not unusual for a contested domestic relations case to take more than a year from Petition to Decree, even if all the attorneys and parties are doing their jobs diligently. Between the procedural delays imposed by the court rules, and the congested dockets of many courts, it just plain takes that long.
4. Comply promptly with all requests for information. If your lawyer asks for a particular document or some piece of information, it is because he or she needs it to do what he or she is doing. Every day you delay responding to the request delays your case. It is not unusual for a client to take two weeks to get me the information I request, and then email me the next week berating me for how "everything is taking so long."
5. Recognize that the Court is there to decide the case, not provide you with emotional vindication. Courts exist to resolve disputes. In a domestic relations case, the Court's job is to grant the divorce, divide the property and the debt, determine who gets alimony and how much, decide the custody issues, set up a visitation schedule, and award child support. It is not the job of the court to punish your ex for being a drunken, verbally abusive, lazy, slovenly lout who ignored your emotional needs. Alimony and child support are awarded based on need, not as damages for being married to a jerk. Property and debt are generally divided in more or less equal fashion between the spouses, not based on which spouse was nice and which was naughty. Maybe it used to be that way, but it is not any more. Yes, if one spouse actively stole community assets, gambled away thousands of dollars, or spent huge sums on illegal drugs or to stay drunk all the time, there ARE often remedies to the "victim spouse" in terms of property distribution, but this does not happen very often. Most often, the property and debt are split down the middle, even of one spouse directly caused the divorce by having a notorious sexual affair. Sorry. Courts do not rule based on which side is morally superior; they decide cases based on the facts and law.
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